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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27515029">rip my ribcage open</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaerstyne/pseuds/kaerstyne'>kaerstyne</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Umineko no Naku Koro ni | When the Seagulls Cry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Cakeverse, Bern edges Lambda for a thousand years and Lambda thinks it's hot, Cake!Bernkastel, Cannibalism, Cannibalism as a Love Language, Developing Relationship, F/F, Fork!Lambadadelta, Getting Together, Guro, Mild Blood and Gore, Mild Sexual Content, Murder Wives, Vore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 04:35:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,953</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27515029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaerstyne/pseuds/kaerstyne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What Lambdadelta lacks in subtlety, she makes up for in persistance. She <em>will</em> find out what Bernkastel tastes like, no matter how many centuries it takes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bernkastel/Lambdadelta (Umineko no Naku Koro ni)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>rip my ribcage open</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I got pulled into discussion about Cakeverse, and I'm not really into the AU normally, but then I was like "what if Bern/Lambda Cakeverse", and then I wrote a whole fic in three hours. Oops.</p><p>For anyone not familiar with Cakeverse: It's a bit like Omegaverse, in that some people are born into certain categories, but instead of having alphas and omegas you have forks and cakes. Forks have no sense of taste, except for the bodies of cakes, which taste sweet and delicious to them; cakes taste amazing, but only to forks.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lambdadelta had never been very good at subtlety.</p><p>On the day they met, the first thing she ever said to Bernkastel was, "Oh my god, you're a <em>cake</em>! I've eaten plenty of human cakes before, but I've never met one that was a witch! Hey, can I eat you sometime? You smell absolutely delicious."</p><p>Bernkastel had met forks before—though, like Lambdadelta, never one that was a witch. The humans rarely dared to be quite so brazen, apart from one notable exception in her former life. She'd never let them taste her, not willingly. She had no interest in letting someone like that slobber all over her.</p><p>She fixed Lambdadelta with a blank stare, and said, "It's generally polite to at least introduce yourself before trying to eat someone."</p><p>"You know what, you're right. Where <em>are</em> my manners." Lambdadelta took a step back and curtsied. "I'm the cute and powerful Witch of Certainty, Lambdadelta-chan! And you're Bernkastel, the Witch of Miracles. Featherine told me all about you."</p><p>"Of course she did." Auau didn't know how to keep her mouth shut sometimes. "And what did she say?"</p><p>"Oh, she thought we might have fun playing together. It's rare to meet another witch who's good enough to break out of a logic error. Most of them go mad first." Lambdadelta flashed her a toothy grin. "I bet <em>your</em> mind is delicious."</p><p>"Hmph. You won't be finding out."</p><p>"Aww, not even a little tiny taste?"</p><p>What she lacked in subtlety, she made up for in persistance. Bernkastel could already tell she was going to be a huge pain. "Beat me in a game, and maybe I'll consider it."</p><p>"Oh, now we're talking. Name your game, Bernkastel-chan, and prepare to be crushed beneath my adorable might. I'll get to eat you <em>for sure</em>."</p><p>"Call me that again and I'll rip out your tongue and feed it to you. See how you like eating that."</p><p>Lambdadelta's delighted cackle echoed across the fragment sea.</p>
<hr/><p>"Hey, Beeeern. I've beaten you three times now. Do I get a taste yet?"</p><p>She'd let the nickname slide, this time. "You also lost three times."</p><p>"I don't see what that has to do with anything. It just means you're a worthy opponent for me. It's not nearly as fun to play against someone who can't fight back."</p><p>Well, at least that meant Lambdadelta probably wouldn't try to jump her in her sleep. She'd wondered if she might, after she'd turned her down the second time. "You still haven't earned it yet."</p><p>"Oh?" Bernkastel could almost see a twinkle in her eye. "What do I have to do to earn it?"</p><p>"Beat me again, and maybe I'll tell you."</p><p>"Oh you <em>do</em> love playing hard to get, don't you Bern?"</p>
<hr/><p>Getting her to stop using the nickname was a lost cause. At least no one else had been brave—or stupid—enough to try it, not after the first time Bernkastel threw her weight around at the senate. But Lambda, oh, Lambda would happily run up to Bernkastel whenever they met and fling her arms around her, nuzzling her cheek and calling her "Beeeern". She'd thought it was a power move at first, but no, she did the same thing whether other witches were around or not. She was just that ridiculous a person.</p><p>It was only fair Bernkastel gave her a nickname back. Not that she disliked it, of course, she <em>loved</em> that "her cute little Bern" had a nickname for her. But the important part was that it put them on even footing, no matter what Lambdadelta thought about it.</p><p>The surprising part was that, in all their encounters where Lambdadelta completely ignored her personal space—which was all of them, no matter how much she glared—Lambdadelta had never tried to lick or take a bite out of her, though she did sometimes take a hearty sniff. Most other forks she'd known would have by now, if she'd ever let them get close enough to try it. Lambdadelta had so many opportunities to nibble her ear or lick her cheek, and she never did it.</p><p>Bernkastel asked her about it once, during a game that ended with Lambdadelta sprawled on the ground of their game board, Bernkastel kneeling over her in victory and grinding a blade deep into her chest. "If you really wanted to taste me, you could have done it by now."</p><p>Lambda just laughed, choking on her own blood as it bubbled up in her throat. "Where's the fun in that? I don't want to take it from you, I want to make you give it to me."</p><p>Bernkastel cocked her head to the side, considering, then dragged the blade down in one smooth stroke, neatly bisecting the lower half of Lambdadelta's body. She stood up and walked away, tossing the blade behind her, leaving the other witch to squirm in the dirt as she struggled to reconstitute her body.</p><p>Except she didn't squirm, of course. She just laughed, and laughed, and laughed, like this was the most fun she'd had in ages and she couldn't imagine a better way to spend her time than bleeding out by Bernkastel's hand.</p><p>It wasn't fun for Bernkastel at all, obviously. These games they played were just a way to stave off the boredom chasing at her heels. If another witch of Lambdadelta's prowess appeared to challenge her, she'd end this farce in a heartbeat.</p>
<hr/><p>But a witch like that never came, and their games continued into the centuries. She beat Lambdadelta hundreds of times, and Lambda beat her hundreds more. One day it was Lambda standing over her in the dirt—though not with a blade, of course, that would have been far too precise for her tastes. Lambda much preferred the carpet bombing approach to warfare, and she had settled for nothing less than blowing a crater in Bernkastel's chest. Many of her organs had been pulverized in the blast, and it might take weeks to grow them all back. How annoying.</p><p>"How's that feel, Bern?" Lambdadelta crowed above her, resting her grenade launcher on her hip. "You thought you almost had me for a minute there, didn't you?"</p><p>Bernkastel scoffed. "I know better than to underestimate you." She'd seen too many other witches make that mistake. "Don't be so foolish as to think you took me by surprise."</p><p>"You're right, what was I thinking? My favorite opponent is always smart enough to see a checkmate when it's about to land in her ribcage." Her entire face twisted into a mocking sneer. "Well? Anything else to say before I take your king for my collection?"</p><p>"Just one thing." Bernkastel let a glob of blood pool in the back of her throat and spat it into Lambda's face, making sure it landed directly on her mouth. "Don't think you'll earn this again anytime soon."</p><p>Lambda's lips had parted slightly in surprise, and Bernkastel could see the moment the blood touched her tongue—her eyes lit up in ecstasy, like her whole body had been jolted with electricity. She licked the rest of the blood from her lips, slowly, clearly savoring the taste for as long as she could stretch it out. "Wouldn't dream of it," she said, the words coming out slightly slurred.</p><p>She probably would dream of it later, when she was alone in bed at night and her hands could roam free. But the sweet taste of Bernkastel's blood would sour the taste of her victory, turning it into desperation for more.</p><p><em>Keep telling yourself that, Bern.</em> She could almost hear Lambda's voice in her head responding to her thoughts. Rude. She'd have to grind that voice beneath her heel, the next time around.</p>
<hr/><p>True to her word, it was a long, long time before Bernkastel let Lambdadelta earn even another drop of her blood. She'd stopped bothering to count the victories and losses—the exact number hardly mattered, when more would always be right around the corner. Sometimes they took breaks to play games with other witches, but they were amusing diversions at best. None of them could possibly compare to the thrill of seeing Lambda's face as Bernkastel stole her wins out from under her.</p><p>She let her have another taste, eventually. And another, and another, until Lambdadelta had devoured almost every part of her, at one time or another.</p><p>"You're the sweetest thing I've ever tasted," Lambda whispered, caressing Bernkastel's body with her hands as she traced her tongue along the shell of her ear.</p><p>"Strong words, from someone who can't taste anything else."</p><p>A sharp peal of laughter. "I told you, I've had plenty of other cakes before. But they were nothing like you." Teeth ripping the flesh of her neck. "No one could ever be anything like you, my beautiful Bernkastel."</p><p>Bernkastel shivered and tilted her head back, exposing more of herself to Lambda's touch, inviting it in. "You're a romantic sap."</p><p>"And you're an absolute tease, always making me wait for so long between bites." She dug her teeth into Bernkastel's shoulder and ripped out another chunk of flesh, as if to punctuate her point. "Always delaying the inevitable."</p><p>"None of this has been inevitable."</p><p>More of a bark of laughter than a peal this time. "Of course it was. I declared on the day we met that I'd get to eat you eventually. You can't defy the Witch of Certainty."</p><p>"I can defy whoever I want." Bernkastel dug her nails into Lambda's back and swiftly raked them across her skin, leaving deep bloody gauges behind. "Don't ever think you can take more than I'm willing to give you."</p><p>Lambdadelta hummed against her breast. "Oh, I can wait until you're willing. I can wait a long, long time." She used a flourish of magic to turn her hand into a claw, and stabbed it into Bernkastel's chest, just below her heart. "And I'll always wait for you, until you let me have everything."</p><p>Bernkastel grabbed Lambda's wrist with her own hand and plunged the claw deeper into her chest. "Everything? What do you think is left?"</p><p>The claw twisted deep inside her, and she felt an answering pulse between her legs. "There's still one part of you I haven't gotten to try, now that you mention it," Lambda said casually, as if it had only just occurred to her. As if she didn't carefully catalog every atom of Bernkastel that she'd consumed.</p><p>Bernkastel pushed her wrist across and up, letting the claw carve a window into her flesh. As she brought it back across, her skin started to peel back, and her beating heart was exposed to the air. "Take it, then. It's yours." She could feel it beating faster as she spoke. "It's been yours for a long time."</p><p>"Now who's the romantic sap," Lambda breathed, and she lunged forward with her other hand to rip the heart from Bernkastel's body. She held it in front of her, the corner of her mouth curling upward in satisfaction, then leaned back in to capture Bernkastel's mouth with her own.</p><p>"I'm going to take my time with this one," Lambda whispered against her lips. "And I'm going to make you watch while I savor every last bite of it. You're going to feel <em>everything</em>, and I won't let you die until every bit of you is inside me." She trailed her blood-soaked fingers down the curve of Bernkastel's hip. "You're going to love it, I promise."</p><p>And when the Witch of Certainty promises something, it will always come true. Bernkastel shuddered and let the anticipation wash over her as Lambdadelta dug in to her ultimate feast, and the two of them slowly became one.</p>
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